The narratives made up and believed about the Nigerian Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans community are usually far from reality and are quite damaging. Before sodomy laws were introduced by colonialists, non-heterosexual practices certainly existed in Africa—among the Nilotico Langa men in Uganda, for instance, in the Azande community of northern Congo, and among the Dan Daudis in northern Nigeria. Of course, single-sex relationships still exist, but these non-gender binary unions show the fluidity African culture on the subject of sexuality.
Perhaps, a basic definition of the human sexuality would shed more light on the multiple forms of sexual preferences. Sexuality is the sexual feelings or attraction we have towards other people. Some people are attracted to one gender or sex, while others can be attracted to multiple sexes or genders. It is not necessarily about who we have sex with. Secondly, there are different types of sexuality. The most commonly known types include heterosexuality, which is sexual attraction between a man and a woman. Then there is bisexuality, sexual attraction towards a man or a woman. Homosexuality, is a sexual attraction between same gender, while Asexuality is the non-existence of sexual attraction towards any gender. A good number of people are not even aware of this basic phenomenon. They assume that the one dominant sexuality which is heterosexuality is what should be the rule of law. Therefore, every other type of sexuality must be from the devil. So every person that does not endorse heterosexuality is demon-possessed. This is a very conventional assumption, especially among fundamentalist Christians who are quick to quote the Bible and echo “Sodom and Gomorrah” as being one solid reason why homosexuality should not be condoned. This conception is often expressed without an objective understanding of the context of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, and without any knowledge of the cultural creeds of that age and society.
In my opinion, the story of Sodom of Gomorrah is about humiliation and not about homosexuality: As the book of Genesis states in Chapter 19:1-13. “The wicked men of Sodom attempted a homosexual rape of two messengers from God who were Lot’s visitors. Because of this God destroyed the two cities with fire and brimstone. The men of Sodom and Gomorrah didn’t want to have sex with Lot’s guests because they found them sexually attractive. They merely wanted to inflict violence and humiliation on them.
Some other Christians argue that homosexuality is such an abomination that it is mentioned in at least five books of the Bible: Genesis, Corinthians, Leviticus, Romans and Timothy. Let’s assume that these act-for-God Christians are right for a moment, a closer look at the book of Leviticus reveals that most of these righteous Christians are hell-bound as the homosexuals they condemn. Leviticus 19:1-37, for example, says: do not harvest the grains along with grapes; do not steal; do not deceive or cheat; do not make hired workers wait until the next day to receive their pay, (tell that to the Nigerian, local, state and national governments when they owe workers months and years of unpaid salaries); do not plant two different kinds of seeds; do not wear clothing woven from two different kinds of thread; do not eat meat that has not been drained of its blood; do not trim your beards, do not eat crayfish, among many other laws.
Further, let’s assume for another minute that all laws in the Bible that condemn homosexuality speak to how we should live, why is the law about slavery in 1 Corinthians 7:21-22 and Ephesians 6:5-6 not being applied to our lives today? Why was slavery abolished when it’s legitimate in the Bible? How come we’re not obeying the law that states that women should be silent in church as stated in 1 Corinthians 14:33-35? The last time I checked, female pastors exist in Nigeria. In fact, Chris Oyakhilome sacked one of his female Pastors, Michelle Okojie, for “peddling gossips” about his divorce. What about women who marry but are not virgins? Are they not supposed to be stoned to death? Or should double standards be applied to these rules? Or, are there parts of hell that are measured for their levels of heat? That is, are homosexuals going to the hottest parts of hell while adulterers, murderers, cheats and rapists go to the part of hell that has less heat? Jesus did not mention homosexuality in the Bible but he did condemn all forms of sexual immorality, and other vices. There are found in more than five books of the Bible. They go beyond Genesis, Corinthians, Leviticus, Romans and Timothy, to include Jude, Thessalonians, Mathew, John, Hebrews, Galatians, Peter, Proverbs, Revelations, Jeremiah and summed up particularly in the book of Mark: 7: 20-23. (TNIV):
“What comes out of you is what defiles you. For from within, out of your hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly…”
Some may wonder why I emphasize the Bible as a major point of reference. I revert to the Bible because most homophobic people hinge their hate and reasons on religion. Extremist Christians, for example, refer to the Bible for their anti-homosexual stance. They further argue that even animals do not stoop to the level of mating same gender. Yes. They do. In the animal kingdom, at least more than 1,000 species engage in homosexual behaviours. Some also argue that homosexuals are as good as people that practice bestiality and rapists. No. Bestiality involves taking advantage of an animal that can’t say yes or no to sex. The same applies to Pedophiles who take advantage of children. Children are not yet of consenting age to sex. Rapists, on their part, force themselves on non-consenting women or men. Some go as far as saying that homosexuality is a taboo and that it is “UnAfrican.” That it is acquired from the West. Sexuality is a human factor. It is not restricted to a particular race, culture or location. Anybody can have a homosexual, or a bisexual child. Some say that homosexuals become what they are because they had a traumatic childhood. But there are some heterosexuals with painful childhoods; they remain heterosexuals. There are perceptions that people decide or choose their sexuality. I don’t believe that people wake up and decide to be homosexuals. Why would any Nigerian homosexual man or woman deliberately choose such an orientation in a hostile environment? I do acknowledge that some people experiment sexually. However, nobody can be recruited to any type of sexuality if they are not predisposed to be what they are.
Yet another impression is that girls who turn out to be lesbians had terrible relationships with men or were raped. Nonetheless, some heterosexual women were raped and were in abusive relationships, yet they remain in relationships with men. Some say that God created the penis for the vagina, that by their mere physiological shapes, they are meant to house each other. And my question remains: If the penis is meant for only the vagina, why do some women put it in their mouths? And why do some men insert it in their wives anus and even enjoy oral sex? Are these private parts meant to be put in the mouth? Are they food? So, why question people for doing what they want to do with their private parts or what should be done to them with other people’s private parts, whether they want it in their noses, ears, chest or even their eyes? How does that affect the price of “garri” in a Nigerian market?
Additionally, some say that if homosexuals are accepted that the whole world would go extinct in a few years. But then that raises the question about barren men and women. Should they be obliterated for not producing children? What about those that choose not to have children? Are they not contributing to the extinction of the world? Perhaps, they should be forced to procreate, so that we are assured of the continued existence of the world.
Then there is the idea that homosexuals often end up with rectal prolapse because they indulge in anal sex. It is not uncommon for some homophobes to jeer at gay men and ask them if they are wearing diapers yet. However, rectal prolapse has very little to do with anal muscle, but has plenty to do with the lining of the colon. That is why it is often associated with stretching during bowel movement. There are people who have never engaged in anal sex but yet they have rectal prolapse. A consensual, loving sexual intercourse does not inflict pain or any damage to the body.
There is still another belief that lesbians can’t have sex because in a lot of people’s minds, sex has all to do with penetration and nothing to do with pleasuring. In other words, sex without penetration is no sex. That is yet another erroneous and damaging impression. Some women do not reach orgasm through penetration, while some do. Some prefer a plastic penis or a dildo to a live penis. This could be because they can work the dildo the way they want it, and control the level of pressure for just the right effect. All these they can do without risking being called a prostitute by the dildo. So it’s not the amount of force applied to the “hammering” of a woman’s private part that gives her the most pleasure. In fact, the opposite could be the case.
We can bury our heads like ostriches and live in the delusion that the so called deviant sexualities can be suppressed, silenced or killed off. However, that would be impossible. We can continue the attempt to cast away demons of homosexuality and stage vigorous deliverance sessions. Nothing will change until we learn to question, research, and be objective and accepting of the diversities and mysteries of life. Meanwhile, Israel, Jesus’s country has moved on by respecting and according homosexuals the same rights as heterosexuals including the right to marry, but here we are still very much blinded by religion. Blinding our senses with religion will not do it. Acting like zombies by saying that my pastors said and my Bible says will not do it. Homosexuals can be driven underground but our society in general will pay the ultimate price because gay men will continue to marry women they don’t love, and lesbians will continue to marry men they don’t love and they will keep producing dysfunctional families whose very foundations are based on lies. The culture of keeping multiple sexual partners will continue to thrive and this situation will likely exacerbate the rate of sexually transmitted diseases. Already Nigeria ranks second in the world for having the largest number of people living with HIV/AIDS. More homosexual and bisexual teenagers, some of whom became aware of their sexual orientation as soon as they hit puberty will continue to hate themselves because they are constantly being bombarded with messages of hell and demon possession. This will cause them to have acute depression and possibly commit suicide.
Our obliviousness on issues of sexuality is very damaging to the psyche of especially the younger generation. Another way we display this problem is through the act of “policing” the body. As Nigerians we tend to want to force everybody into a box. You are either a boy or a girl. There should be nothing in-between. Otherwise, something is wrong with you because no one is supposed to break or as I often put it, blur the boundaries of binaries. Some boys or men may have the male genitalia but feel and identify as women or girls. The same goes for some girls and women. Also, some girls have masculine tendencies and some boys have feminine tendencies. Some girls prefer trousers to skirts, and some boys prefer “tights” to “agbada.” Hence, the sooner we learn to accede to the fact that there are shades that exist beyond black and white, the better for us. It’s as simple as that, or perhaps as complicated as that.
Again, happy PRIDE month!
